As In Heaven
by faeriegirl5617
Summary: AU. Angels on earth. Guardian angels take care of us, but nobody takes care of them... especially when they give up their wings. Can guardian angel Bella help fallen angel Edward find his way back into heaven?.
1. Getting to know each other

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all**

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Chapter 1: Getting to know each other

-"You´re an angel" he said nonchalantly.

His green eyes, bore into mine. I struggled to stay calm.

-"No,I´m not. But thanks I guess" I said putting up a perfect amazed-by-your-courtesy face.

-"Can´t fool me."-he said, sipping his coffee-"You are a guardian angel. But the question is do you know what you are guarding?" he said raising an eyebrow.

-"I don´t know what you-" I started objecting.

-"Drop it. Your charms won´t work on me. Just answer the question" it was almost an order.

I hesitated.

-"Yes. I am guarding you, a human. A mortal. My job is to help you find your way to heaven"

He laughed bitterly.

-"Heaven hm?"-he stared at me, as if he didn´t really understand-"Been there, done that. And I don´t think it´s that great."

-"What do you mean?" what was he talking about?

-"What´s your name?" he asked, not answering.

-"Ummm..."-he already knew I was an angel, how much harm can he cause?-

"Isabella but people call me Bella"

-"Isabella means vow and Bella means beautiful. This is you real name right?"

-"Yes"

-"I mean your angel name"

-"Yeah..."

He opened his eyes, they were the size of saucers. He barked a laugh and looked up before looking at me again.

-"I´m your first asigned mortal! You are new to this are you not?"

Did I hear correctly? Was he mocking me?

-"Yes. What is your name?" I was getting frustated...

-"You are not supposed to tell your angel name. Didn´t they tell you?" and he

kept avoiding my questions.

-"No. And they also refused to tell me your name"

-"It figures" he muttered. Suddenly pensive.

-"What figures? I am supposed to be your guardian angel and still I know nothing about you! How am I supposed to guard you from your personal demons if I don´t know you?!" I almost screamed at him, almost. Luckily for me, the cafe was empty.

He chuckled.

-"I don´t have a name. I used to have one, but I chose to leave it behind"

-"What do you mean?"

-"Bella, have you ever heard of fallen angels?"

-"No. I mean, yes, but they are only legends. What do they have to do with this?"

-"Nothing... I wonder why they assigned you to me..." he seemed thoughful.

-"Because I am the best guardian angel that there is... well, almost."

-"What do you mean?" he asked eagerly, like a child waiting for a story.

-"I mean there is- was only one angel better than me"

-"Who?"

-"One day I shall tell you"

His face fell.

-"No, I want to know. Now" Again with the commanding tone.

I thought for a moment.

-"Let´s make a deal"-I could get something out of this too-"Tell me everything about yourself and I will tell you the story"

-"Deal. But you go first."

I sighed. I only just met him, and he appared to be always one step ahead.

-"Well... the angel that was better than me was called Edward- which means guard- and he was the best at fighting demons. Only a few were lucky to have met him and he had so many legends surrounding him. I remember some but the one I remember best is when one day I heard someone say that he must have been Hercules or one of the great greek warriors, when he was a mortal. Others say that he was born an angel, he was of the few who had been created to live in heaven, created by Him, to be his ultimate defender.

"Younger angels would look up at him, he was what we all wished to be, he had beaten more hell hounds than any of us... elders spoke highly of him and encouraged us to be as good and devoted as he was...and if I had been mortal I would have given everything for him to be my guardian angel..."

-"What are hell hounds?"

-"What mortals call demons, but these hounds create the illusion of being what you most desire. They are our enemies, what we fight. Pure evil. They want to have mortal souls to devour in hell, they are hunters"

-"Hunters huh? Interesting... tell me more about this Edward"

-"I never met him, though I would have loved to...

-"You speak in past tense, what happened to him?"

-"He is no longer with us."-I saw the question in his eyes-"But where he is? Nobody knows, except maybe Him. The elders tell their students that he was sent on a impossible mission and he never returned, although they never mention what kind of mission it is; but the younger angels say that he was sent to another place, far away where new worlds are discovered and new demons are everywhere. But nobody talks about him anymore, nobody is allowed to be like him, to look up to him, like he did something wrong...and so his name was forbidden..."

-"And what do you think?"

-"About his location?"-he nodded-"I think that he is still in this world, just waiting, maybe even hiding, getting a break from being an angel..."

He snorted.

-"Why is it so funny?"

He looked at me and suddenly rethought it.

-"It´s not funny... it´s just your blind faith in him, how you look up to him even though you don´t even know what he looks like. I used to believe like that too, you know, once upon a time..."

He stared off, remembering.

-"Now tell me your story" it was an order. He wasn´t going to avoid my questions anymore.

-"Why? You just told it" he said nonchalantly.

My mouth hung open.

-"What?!"

He looked at me, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

-"A long time ago, I was a guardian angel and my name was Edward. I was the best and I knew it. And I knew everybody knew it."

-"Yeah, I got that part. But what happened to you?"

-"I went on an impossible mission. In a way it was my first and last."

I was stunned.

-"Something went terribly wrong didn´t it?"

He nodded.

-"What happened?"

-"I was assigned to a mortal. She was on a very dark path, she was the kind that don´t deserve saving. And they still asigned me to her, they said she had potential for the dark side and losing her to them would be the worst thing ever. And I obeyed them, I guarded her, trying to steer her away from the path of evil. But I fell for my mortal and I gave up my wings for her, to spend a lifetime next to her. I fell from the sky to be next to her, I rejected heaven, to be a mortal. And for the first time I felt happy, _really _happy. But she turned out to be evil, and I understood the term `broken-hearted´. She had sold her soul to the devil, before I came along and nobody ever knew. She told me she had never wanted me and that a hell-hound was always watching over her, over us. She took advantage of the fact that I was her guardian angel, she knew I was the best, and that losing me would mean a terrible loss to Him; she had made me believe that I was what she wanted, only to destroy my illusions; she only wanted me to give up my wings. She died after, and eventually, became a hell-hound, the worst or so I hear; but not matter how hard I tried, I could never go back to being an angel. I found others, other who had tried going back and no one knew how to get your wings back... So I had no choice but to stay and I learned about this world and now I know why everyone needs an angel; this world is the worst one I have ever visited, there´s pain everywhere. And the only way to get rid of it, is by sleeping... the best sleep is the eternal one; but, alas, death has been denied to me. I will forever walk the Earth as one of the fallen ones. Never part of anything; praised by some, denied by others. Always looking back at what I was, but somehow moving forward."

-"I´m sorry, Ed-"

-"Don´t call me that."-he said sternly-"I am nobody. Once I was that brave one you love and admire, but not anymore. "

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	2. Questions

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything**

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Chapter 2.- Questions

We were walking back to where he was living, talking. He said it was an apartment... whatever that was. I could never settle for what the humans had, heaven was so much more, and up there, there were no such things as apartments.

-"What did you keep?" I blurted out. The question had been in my mind since he told me he had been an angel.

-"Are you talking about me keeping a feather as a memento, or the last ray of an evening trapped in a bottle like souvenir?" he said humorosly.

Sunshine could be trapped in bottles? I made a mental note to ask him later about that and maybe try it in the future... but back to my question.

-"No, I mean abilities. Because in the legends, fallen angels always keep an ability, like seeing who people really are, camouflage, partial invisibility... and things like that"

-"You know, I have met some other fallen angels, they are mostly happy and some of them have moved on, but some others are very bitter." He said thoughtfully, avoiding my eyes.

What was with him and avoiding my questions?

-"I asked you a question" I snapped at him.

He sighed, yet still avoided my gaze.

-"I was the best guardian because I could sense lies, I could know what people were thinking"

-"You still haven´t answered my question" I said narrowing my eyes.

He sighed, exasperated.

-"Yes, I did, you just weren´t paying enough attention. I think that you should do some research before you ask more things about me, about fallen angels."-I rolled my eyes at him-"because if you really knew about us you´d know that the gifts we had when we were angels are diminished when we give up our wings, but are still with us."

-"Oh" my mouth hung open.

He was silent, just staring at me.

So when you gave up your wings, you still had powers, which would make you stand out from the crowd.

_Never being part of anything_.

-"Do you know what I´m thinking?"

-"I can´t read the mind of angels, I can only sense what they are thinking."

-"Sense? You mean like feelings?"

-"No, thoughts... it´s complicated because angels don´t lie, sometimes I can hear a word from their minds, pieces of what they are thinking. But I can´t read or sense your mind, so don´t worry"

That was good, I didn´t have to hide my thoughts around him, it was bad enough that I had to watch what came out of my mind.

-"Now, can I tell you more about the angels I´ve met? They are very interesting"-he started excitedly, but lowered his voice-"though I think it could be a little distressing for you."

-"I´m the best guardian angel, I can take it" I said, offended.

He shot me a measuring look, then shrugged.

-"Right... so I met this angel, he used to be a runner with exceptional warrior abilities, his next goal was to become a guardian angel. A while ago, while doing an errand on Earth, he fell in love with a woman who really loved him. They both claim it was love at first sight. And she, unlike Tanya, was pure and good."

I heard the bitterness behind Tanya´s name.

-"What happened to him?"

-"Well, he obviously gave up his wings for her. He says that he could not have beared to see her live her life and not be beside her. And now he lives side by side with her and he has a... job"

-"A job?"

-"Well, not a job per se, but a way of paying his debt."

-"I don´t understand"

-"Remember that I told you that there was no way to get your wings back?"

Why does he insist on changing the subject?

-"Yeah... but what does that have to do with the fallen angel you were talking

about"

-"Well, when I told you that nobody knew how to get your wings back, I was lying."

-"Why would you lie to me?"-I frowned-"besides I thought you said angels couldn´t lie"

-"I said _angels didn´t _lie, I said nothing about the fallen one. I lied to you because it´s a reflex, something that I´ve picked up from humans, it´s a way of keeping myself safe" he shrugged.

-"But what does it have to do with this `job´?" I said frowning.

-"You see when we fall from heaven, they lose forces, they diminish in number. They never tell you this in your training, they never tell you that they need us, they jst say it´s a great honer. And that is why we all have a debt to pay, because we are casualties in a war that has been going on for years and will continue for many more.

"The debt consists in helping them here on earth. Some debts are higher than others, and require more time to fulfill; but the reward is always the same: they grant us the eternal slumber, death, followed by our restorment in heaven. They give us our wings back"

-"Why are some debts higher?"

-"It is directly related to the rank you had"

-"So your debt would be the highest one to pay right?" I said, understanding a bit. He was the best, so it stood to logic that he would have one of the highest.

-"Yes, guardian angels have the highest debts, though I think that my debt is by far the highest one yet. Nobody with a rank higher than mine has ever fallen. Normally, rookies are the ones that fall, they become tempted by the world they are supposed to guard. That is why my name is forbidden, I dishonored them, I succumbed to temptation." He said, looking ashamed.

-"And why haven´t you tried repaying your debt?"

He stared at me, looking for something in my eyes.

-"There´s a downside to all of this" he said carefully.

-"It can´t be that bad, can it?"

-"It depends. Back to the angel we were talking about, his job is to free what humans call ghosts, souls trapped forever in this world because they had a violent death..."-he lifted his hand, silencing my interruption-"But in order to free them, he must judge them, considering their sins decide if they go to hell or to heaven. Or as he says: send some to be devoured by hell-hounds and send the others to paradise."

-"Oh"

Honestly I thought it was good way to pay a debt, especially one that could change you back to what you were. But I was afraid of saying anything more, in case he snapped at me again.

-"And sometimes it is difficult, because when you talk to trapped souls about freeing them, they assume they´ll go to heaven. Imagine their surprise if they end up in hell... and in some cases, the strong souls that go to hell, manage to become hell-hounds. If there´s something worse than a hell-hound is an angry hell-hound with a purpose; and in this case, the purpose is to kill the one that supposedly freed them. These poor souls think that they exchanged one cell for another, instead of being tortured here, they are tortured in hell."

-"I still don´t understand why you haven´t tried it"

He looked at me exasperated, almost like he was talking to a child.

-"Jasper puts his life in the line getting constantly threatened by angry hell-hounds, just so that he can be next to Alice when they both die. He does this so that he can be next to her for all eternity, up there, in heaven. He is guarding his future, their future. But you see I... I have no one to die for"

-"So you´d rather stay here, stuck for all eternity instead of going back to what you used to be?"

-"I´ve already told you, I´ve been up there and it´s really not that great. That´s why fallen angels are only a legend up there"

I was a little taken aback by his statement.

-"What are you talking about?"

He rolled his eyes at me.

-"Oh come on, as if you hadn´t wondered why they never talk about falling"

-"Well, maybe..."

-"They never tell you about us because they are afraid that you might choose to fall, just to know what it´s like. They keep us a secret so that they don´t loose

anymore angels."

Everything was a lie? I refused to believe that.

-"You are saying you are better here?"

-"No, I just said that I have no desire whatsoever to go back"

-"I thought you had the courage to go where nobody had gone before"

He looked at me, angry at my outburst. We had stopped in front of a brick building.

-"First, angels have gone back before, although I don´t know why you´ve never heard of them; second, courage is a quality I do not lack, it´s the motive that I don´t have" he said taking a key out of his pocket.

He opened the door of the building, angrily, before going inside. He looked at me and sighed.

-"Just...let it be" he whispered to me.

-"I can´t. It´s my job to get you back"

-"You won´t. I won´t let you take me back... you ´d have to kill me" he said darkly.

-"If that´s what it takes..." I trailed off.

-"An angel who killed another... "-he said sarcastically-"you´d be banished, sent to hell, only to save me?"

His brow shot up.

-"You are better than me, they need you more; that´s why they told me that I had to do everything in my power" I said, looking down, shruging

He sighed and waved a hand, dismissing me.

-"Go back, don´t bother with me."

-"I can´t go back! The rejection and dissapointment would be as bad as being exiled. I´d rather become a mortal than go back alone" I said a little histerical.

This time, both eyebrows shot up.

-"I meant for you to go to rest, I know it´s hard to maintain a single shape and be tied; and, Bella, don´t say things that you don´t mean"

-"Yeah... sorry about that" I replied embarrased.

Here he was, worried about me, his guardian angel and I thought he was telling me to leave him behind and continue with my existence.

-"No problem"

I turned around and started walking, hoping to find an alley or someplace dark to go back to my true shape, to extend my wings and take flight.

-"Bella?" he called to me.

I turned around and found him leaning out the doorway.

-"Hm?"

-"Tomorrow´s my turn" he said simply before stepping inside and dissapearing.

What did he mean? His turn for what?

I shrugged and walked inside an alley. I ignored the smell and focused on dissapearing the bonds that kept me tied to earth. Smells dissapeared and I felt the rustle of wings on my back. To the eyes of a mortal I had just dissapeared.

I opened my eyes and flew off into the clouds to talk to my supervisor, my elder.

After passing through a cloud I saw his home in front of me. I found him sitting, reading a book with golden covers, he looked very intent on it.

-"Why didn´t you tell me that I was guarding the great Edward?" I snapped at him, without greeting.

He looked up from his book, not one bit surprised by my unanounced presence.

-"Hello to you too, Bella. I´m afraid there was no need to for you to know about Edward because you would have gone with higher expectations and come with your shattered dreams, besides he was going to tell you everything himself"

-"Why do you keep fallen angels a secret?" I continued talking quickly anxious for

answers, anxious to prove Edward wrong.

-"Not a secret... something else I can´t tell you about" he said closing his book and standing up.

-"Stop it! Tell me everything about them Carlisle. I need to know" I said walking up to him.

He looked down at me and the corners of his mouth pulled up.

-"Go ask the part-guardian Rosalie. She´ll tell you"

-"Are you saying she was one of the fallen?" I looked at him greedily, hungry for his knowledge.

-"Go and ask her child" he said pointing in the direction she lived.

I took a step back and decided that my feet were suddenly very interesting.

-"Thank you and sorry for interrupting your reading Master" I said humbly.

-"Don´t worry, now fly along" he said dismissing me.

I had been expecting a lecture about respecting my elders so I was more that happy to oblige when he sent me flying to bother another angel with my questions.

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**Thanks to all who reviewed or added this story to their alerts. I really appreciate it. Also thanks to my beta Ibella999, don´t forget to check out her story (link in my favorite stories). **

**And for whomever is reading Memoirs, my theory has been proven right... more people have reviewed this story. Could you imagine? this story has 1 chapter and more reviews/alerts than memoirs (which has 5 chps) I still think it´s depressing...**

**I have to clear something up: updates will not be so continuous... this time I got carried away... **

**About the angels: **

**-runner.- what Jasper is, it´s some sort of messenger (no, not like Hermes) they are the lower ranking angels. **

**-part-guardian.- what Rosalie is (you´ll hear her story, next chapter) not as high as guardian angels but higher than runners; they asre part guardians because they do not have an assigned mortal... they just do little miracles for normal people. **

**-elders are higher than guardian angels... which means that if Edward hadn´t fallen he would have become an elder. **

**REVIEW! **

**Opinions are always welcome, I promise to reply to the signed ones. **


	3. Figuring out

**Disclaimer: you should know by now... SM owns it all...**

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Chapter 3.- Figuring out

Part-guardian Rosalie was a statuesque woman, perfect for being an angel. Blond hair and long legs, pure white shining wings. I could have envied her if I was human, but for angels appearances did not matter, sure she was beautiful, but then again she was an angel.

She was perfect for being a part-guardian. Normally, pretty angels were the ones chosen to perform miracles, the others had to make do with being guardians... not that I was complaining. Because it stood to reason that the better the sight for the human they were easier to convince, and the prettier the person they were more unlikely to refuse help.

-"Guardian angel Isabella. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" she said without real enthusiasm. Everything about her features was cold.

-"Call me Bella. Carlisle sent me" I said politely. She didn´t look to pleased with my appearance

She frowned.

-"Oh, so I´m guessing that it is something very important. But Carlisle knows that I´m not accepting any missions for now."

-"No, I came for personal reasons"

-"Well, then. Come in"

I stepped inside her small home and we sat together. She stared at me, waiting.

-"I came to ask you about the fallen angels" I said quickly.

-"Ah, are you planning on falling or something like that? Because if you are I´m afraid I can´t help you, I was sworn to secrecy." She answered coldly.

-"No, no"-I replied quickly. Why would she think I wanted to fall?-"I just want to know why they are kept a secret. Carlisle told me to ask you"

-"I can´t tell you why they are kept a secret because I don´t know why."

My hopes fell.

-"Okay, but can you tell me why Carlisle sent me to you?" I was almost begging for some information.

-"I don´t know. But I´m guessing it´s because I almost gave my wings for a mortal"

The woman who seemed so invincible, so cold and powerful had almost fallen for a human? A simple, puny, little human?

-"Almost?"

-"Do you want to hear my story?" she asked cautiously, almost afraid that I would say no.

-"Yes, please"

-"I met a human, a mortal, while I was doing miracles. He was nobody special, just a simple human in need of some miracle. He saw right through me, he said that someone so beautiful could only be an angel... and something inside of me snapped. I was no longer the controlled angel I had been trained to be. I was crazy for him, crazy in love... and I considered falling for him, because I wanted to spend a lifetime with him, I could´t bear to be away from him. So I made some research and the only way to fall from heaven is in almost the same way as when you are in human form, only that there is no going back. You undo the binds that tie you from earth. You just try to forget that you have wings.... well not forget, give them up... it's strange, i mean what do you do when you want to come back to heaven?"

-"I think of undoing the binds that tie me to earth"

-"Well you do the same with the binds of heaven..."

-"But why didn't you give up your wings? "

She sighed.

-"Before I did it I went to find him, to tell him that we could be together on earth, but he wasn't were he was supposed to be... I looked for him everywhere and found out that he had gone to the forest because he thought that I was never coming to see him again... and so he decided that if I couldn´t come to him, he would come to me. He got mauled by a bear, but I don´t think that was his original plan, because if he had committed suicide he would have gone to hell.

When i got there it was too late, I hadn´t been fast enough... he was almost dead and his life´s blood trickled through my finger as I held him. The last thing he did was smile at me, with his eyes looking past me, he only said goodbye and told me he would see me in heaven..."

I sensed her sadness as she remembered.

-"And he is here?"

Right then a man stepped out of the next room... his wings were still silver meaning he had just been transformed and he was burly, huge... but he was perfect for Rosalie. He stood sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

-"Hey who's this Rose?" he asked her nodding in my direction.

-"Emmett this is guardian angel Isabella."

-"Only Bella" I said smiling at him.

-"Bella, this is Emmett, and he is the one I was telling you about." She said with a smile that made her whole face light up.

I gaped at him and he gaped at me.

-"You are guardian angel Isabella? _The _guardian angel Isabella?"

-"I guess so..."

He stood up and hugged me in a bone-crushing hug.

-"My... wings..." I gasped.

-"Emmett, put the nice lady down" Rosalie said in a motherly tone.

-"Oh, yeah sorry."-he said as he set me down and proceeded to push me into the couch again.-"It´s just that I´m such a great fan of yours. I wish I could be like you! I´m training to be a guardian angel, you know." He finished proudly.

I just stared at him. How could such a big man have a small child´s enthusiasm? Right then, Rosalie started to laugh, almost hysterically.

-"Rose, baby, what are you laughing at? Are you laughing at me?" he said with a pout.

-"No... it´s her face... you scared her..." she said between laughs.

Emmett snorted.

-"No I didn´t, she´s guardian angel Bella, she isn´t scared by anything"

_It´s just your blind faith in him... I used to believe like that too. _His voice sounded in my head.

-"No, Emmett she´s right... you did scare me."

-"Oh come on! You are supposed to be invincible!"

-"I´m not perfect." I said dismissing him.

His face fell and they both turned serious. My tone must have had an edge to it because Rosalie cleared her throat and he excused himself.

-"What are your personal reasons?" Rosalie said, dead serious and looking into my eyes.

-"Excuse me?" I was ashamed for making Emmett leave that way.

-"You said you had come for personal reasons"

-"Right... ummm... I´m not sure if I should tell you. It´s part of a mission."

-"You were assigned to one of them, one of the fallen, weren´t you?"

I sighed. I guess I would have to tell her. Maybe she knew something else.

-"Yes, and he said something that threw me off balance"

-"Am I allowed to know?" she said hesitantly.

-"Yeah... he told me that the only reason they didn´t talk about fallen angels up here is because the elders are afraid we´ll do the same"

-"And he would be right..." she muttered, just loud enough for me to hear.

-"What did you say?"

-"Nothing... it´s not my job to tell you"

-"Then who´s job is it?" I snapped at her.

-"I think it´s time for you to go, Isabella" she said, standing up.

-"Why won´t anyone tell me the truth?" I was close to yelling, I was so frustrated.

-"Goodbye now" she said as she escorted me out.

-"But, but" I tried to plead with her.

But she looked at me coldly.

-"I believe that it is daytime in Earth. Your mortal will be waiting for you" And with that she threw me out of her house.

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-"So it as your turn for what?" I asked him as I stood behind him, trying to scare him.

But he didn´t even flinch. Instead he turned around and rolled his eyes at me.

-"My turn to ask questions" he said as if it was the most obvious thing.

-"Oh... what do you want to know?" I said as we sat down at our usual cafe.

-"I want to know about your past life" he said seriously.

I frowned. My past life?

-"I don´t remember"

-"Are you sure?"his voice sounded unsure and his eyes hid knowledge. He knew something and yet he wasn´t telling me,

-"Well, Carlisle said that I had had a violent death. He said that I had killed myself out of love"

_The wind was in my face as I saw the water rise up to meet me. _

-"Why did you kill yourself?"

-"I think it was because he was dead"

_Agonizing pain. Cold and sharp. Cutting through me from everywhere. _

-"Who was he?"

_He´s dead, dead, dead. He left me. Alone. He is gone and he is never coming back. _

-"I already told you I don´t remember"

-"Then why did you end up in heaven? I thought suicides went to hell." He didn´t notice how much it hurt to talk about.

-"Carlisle said that it hadn´t been my time and since they couldn´t send me back just yet, I decided to become a guardian angel"

-"Why didn´t they send you back?"

-"I don´t know. He said something about not being ready."

He sighed. But proceeded with his questions. The few memories faded again into the back of my mind.

-"Do you have a favorite color?"

-"No, sorry. Angels don´t have favorite colors"

-"I did" he said suddenly. Then looked down, embarrassed.

-"What was your favorite color when you were an angel?"

-"No way I´m answering that! I told you it´s my turn." He said, offended.

-"I´m your guardian angel, I should be allowed to know this things!"

-"I´m not telling you... yet." He said teasingly.

I frowned.

-"What do you mean yet?"

But as always, he avoided my question.

-"Was I your first mission?"

I sighed.

-"Guarding a mortal? Yes"

-"No I mean mission, mission"

-"No, I´ve fought with my fair share of hound-hells. And I´ve come home victorious of all those battles"

-"Oh"-he stared off, thinking-"Have you ever fallen in love?"

-"No"

-"Have you ever wondered how it would be like to live on Earth?"

-"No"

But he didn´t buy it.

-"Seriously? You have never thought of what it would be like to live like a mortal?"

I sighed.

-"Not until I met you. "

-"So you have!"-he smiled triumphantly-"And what have you come up with?"

-"It isn´t good"

-"Oh"

-"I mean, you seem happy and all, but I don´t think I would like it..."

He snorted.

-"Yeah, right... hey, I need to run some errands, but we can continue later"

Ok so he was telling me to leave... and just a few moments ago he wanted to know everything about me...what´s up with his mood swings?

He got up and left me, sitting there, staring at his retreating back. So I got up and decided to visit my mother.

As I approached the nursery home, I thought about all the times she had helped me. First, by filling the role of someone who actually loved me, and then helping me get back on my feet.

Esme wasn´t really my mother. But she was as close as an angel could ever have. She was an elder, but unlike Carlisle, she didn´t train young angels to become guardian angels... no, she took care of all of us. She was a caretaker of sorts; she acted as the mother we never had. She took care of the souls that had died too young. I never understood why she did that, when she would have been a perfect part-guardian. And when I asked her, she told me that she had come to heaven because her baby had left her; and she took care of us because we somehow filled a void inside her.

She had taken care of me... she had guided me. Because I had died a teenager, she wasn´t obliged to take care of me, but she took me under her wing. She helped me find my true calling. Thanks to her guidance I had become the greatest guardian angel, after Edward of course.

If someone could help me figure out the puzzle that Edward was, that someone was Esme.

And then I saw her, standing, holding a baby in her arms; everything felt right when she hugged me or tried to.

-"Esme, I missed you so much" I said as awkwardly hugged her, trying not to squish the baby.

-"Bella, darling! I´ll be with you in a second." She said as she dissappeared behind a wall.

-"What brings you to me darling?"-she said as she properly hugged me-"not that I´m not pleased to see you"

I look into the brown eyes that had helped me so much in the past. I saw the understanding in them and the love she felt.

-"Well, Esme... I came to ask you about something that has been bothering me"

-"About a mission eh?" she said, smiling.

-"Yeah... I´m guarding a mortal now!" I said proud of myself.

-"I always knew you would go far... but be careful. I want to have you around for a while more... I mean look at what happened to Edward..." she trailed of as I gasped.

-"You knew about him?!"

My mother/best friend knew about something before I even knew. And she had kept it a secret.

-"Everyone knows about him by now. It´s no secret, really"

-"It was a secret to me!" I raised my voice and she looked scared.

-"What I mean is that it isn´t a secret anymore. He was before, but not now."- she replied quickly-"Emmett came by a few days ago and told me he had seen you in his house, very distressed. So I went to have a chat with my old friend, Carlisle."

-"Oh" I had misunderstood. She had just been looking after me. I´m guessing that Carlisle had told her everything... nobody could say no to Esme.

-"I remember him..." she trailed off, thinking.

-"You remember Edward?" I asked astonished.

-"Yeah... he came in a while before you did. He was such a sweet kid but he kept to himself, maybe it was because he died young. He did remember his past however, and he used to blame himself for what had happened. It was all I ever felt coming off him, such a big weight for someone so young. Guilt is what made him strong and also took something of him... "

-"What had happened?"

-"I don´t know, he never told me. But that is what drove him to being such an excellent guardian angel... but as I said, it also made him lose himself. He was convinced that what had happened to him could be avoided and he was the one who would make sure that it never happened to any other. He said that he wouldn´t rest until he had set things right."

Edward had been so angry with himself about something it had made him lose his mind, piece by piece. Maybe that is why he had fallen. But what could haunt a boy so much that even after death, he could remember?

-"Are you sure he never told you what had happened to him?"

-"No, dearest, I´m sure I´d remember if he had told me. But then again, he wasn´t here for very long."

-"He wasn´t?"

-"No, I had never seen an angel make up his mind so quickly. Almost as soon as he had gotten here, he was gone" she said and her eyes were lost in the past.

-"Again because of the guilt right?"

-"Yes" she said frowning.

-"Is there anything else I should know about him?"

-"Perhaps you should try looking for his elder. If someone knows something about him, it must be his elder"

-"Who is he?"

-"I believe it was a woman, but then again I might be wrong. Now are you done interrogating your favorite angel?"

-"Yes, sorry." I said looking at my feet.

-"Do you want to stay for a little while and help me with the babies?"

I wouldn´t want to do anything more right now. Just thinking about it took me back, when I had still lived with her and helped her take care of the little ones.

I sighed.

-"I can´t I must get back to Edward now but thank you. It was really nice to see you again, Esme" I hugged her.

-"Oh, that´s too bad, but be sure to send him my greetings, darling" she said kissing my cheek.

* * *

**Again thanks to Ibella999 for being my beta...great minds think alike!!! :D Thanks to all the reviewers and anonymous followers :)**

**Another thing: time passes differently in heaven that is why Rosalie kicked Bella with that excuse... **

**For those reading Memoirs... the chapter shall come... eventually :) **

**All kinds of opinions are welcome! I promise to reply to every single one of them... maybe not the bad ones, but I guess they didn´t want to be replied... **

**REVIEW!**


	4. Three sides to it

**Disclaimer.- i don´t own twilight... **

_"I believe in angels, something good in everything I see"_

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Chapter 4.- Three sides to it

I felt the need pulling me in the direction of Edward. He was in danger, being watched by a hell-hound, or something worse. The pull led me to another cafe, one different from where we usually met, this one was shabby and didn´t really look clean; it was in what humans would call `a bad neighborhood´.

Inside, Edward was standing, talking to a man. Or at least he appeared to be a man, but to us angels, it was clear he was a demon.

Dark skin, dark eyes. And the most shocking thing were his wings, black wings, made of dark smoke. They were not big and full, nor white like mine; no, they were the wings of a bat, more bone than actual skin. But they were not visible to humans of course, just like mine weren´t.

I walked right to where they were standing and pulled him by the arm so that he would look at me.

-"What are you doing here? And with him?" I said, leering.

To my pleasure, he looked surprised, but also annoyed.

-"Nothing that should concern you" he said calmly.

-"Excuse me?! Don´t even go there! I am your guardian angel! I am supposed to protect you from these"-I said pointing at the man standing before him, with disdain-"demons, I thought you would have known better."

-"Bella, this is not of your concern"

I was about to retort when the demon interrupted.

-"Bella? As in Bella Swan?" he said raising his eyebrows.

-"Do I know you?" I said, raising an eyebrow, looking at him skeptically.

I mean, I didn´t want my question to sound stupid because sometimes my reputation preceds me, especially with demons. But this demon, seemed to be hundred of years old. He was way out of my league, because I was only known amongst the lesser demons and specially amongst hell-hounds.

But surprisingly, he started laughing and looked back at Edward

-"She´s kidding right?"

Edward grimaced and shook his head-"She doesn´t remember anything. At all"

-"Man, that´s not good" he said rubbing his chin.

But the thing was, that I still didn´t know who he was, and he knew who I was. And apparently, Edward was in this too. Which only made me angrier.

-"Excuse me? You still haven´t answered my question."

He looked at me with his black eyes shocked.

-"We... met in your past life. Seriously, you don´t know who I am? Indian, beach, played like little kids in the mud...?"-I shook my head and he sighed-"I´m Jacob" he offered me his hand.

I looked at his hand, but didn´t raise mine to shake it. He cleared his throat and pretended not to have offered it.

-"Oh really? And where does Edward fit in this?"

Edward paled visibly and he held his breath. What was wrong with him?

-"We were all... friends" Jacob answered and Edward let out his breath.

-"And how come we"-I pointed to Edward and me-"ended up as angels and you ended up as a demon?"

-"mmmmmmm"

-"I think it would be best if we left now" Edward said, pulling me by my wrist.

I managed to twist out of his grip and turned to face him.

-"Why? I want to know!" I almost shouted. Who did he think he was? I was supposed to be his guardian angel, the one who told him what to do, not the other way around.

-"Bella, you´re not ready" he said calmly, reaching for me.

-"I am!" I said stepping back from him.

-"You do realize that he is going to tell you about your past life? Are you sure that you´re ready?" he said, with a tone that suggested I was definitely not ready.

-"Go home, I can handle it all alone" I said with a final tone.

He sighed and glared at Jacob. There was a warning in that look, something that said that he better watch what came out of his mouth. And then he turned around and left.

-"Do you want to sit down?" he offered, pointing to one of the many dirty chairs in the cafe.

I shook my head, declining his offer. I didn´t really trust him. He sighed, exasperated but began to telling me his story.

-"Our fathers were the best of friends and so most of the time we were stuck together. We spent every summer and most of the year together, playing down at the beach. I watched you grow from a little girl into a beautiful woman. I considered myself your best friend and we were happy together... then your parents got divorced and you moved out with your mother. Summers for us became even shorter, for years the only way I could contact you, was by writing... and then finally, you moved back. I was so happy.

"I introduced you to Edward, who was my best friend at the time, and you two got along perfectly. Things could not have gone better, I was the happiest person. My two best friends were there for me, my family loved me... everything was perfect. And then I found out about you and Edward... from that point on, everything spiraled out of control. You and Edward left me out of a lot of things Because you were a couple. So I decided to confront him about it, telling him that you were my friend too and that night our friendship ended when he told me that he didn´t care. A few weeks later, his parents decided that they should move out of town because they were tired of the rainy weather. And so he left, eventually, but not before he tried to postpone it as much as he could. He even stayed behind, alone, while his family moved out, just to spend more time with you. But unfortunately when he decided to leave, on his way to his new home, his car swerved out of the bridge and he died almost instantly."

My mind was not really comprehending what he said, it had stopped doing so the moment he told me that Edward and I had been a couple.

-"Why did you end up a demon?"

-"I´m not finished yet"-he said sternly-"when you found out about his death, you were... broken, you looked more like a zombie... and even though I tried to cheer you up, you were so depressed..."

"You started talking about hearing his voice and that only made things worse. Your father decided to send you to a hospital but when you found out about that you went berserk and well... threw yourself off a cliff"

I nodded.

-"And... then what?" I was honestly scared of what he was about to say, because

I had caused so much harm.

-"Charlie was devastated and he never was the same."

I had been such a terrible person.

-"And you?"

-"I lost my two best friends in the same year"-he said as if it was the most obvious thing-"I did some really bad things after that"-yet he didn´t elaborate-"You two had been the thing that kept me together" he finished sadly.

-"How did you die?"

-"Drug overdose combined with a knife fight. Not pretty" he shrugged.

I winced, his indifference to his own death was what made things worse. Because of me and my stupid feelings I had killed him... first I had killed myself, grieving and because of that I had made Jacob a bad person...how come I was an angel?

-"Thank you for your time" I said politely and left before he could say anything more.

* * *

-"Why didn´t you tell me?" I snapped at Edward.

We were in our usual cafe sitting in front of each other. He sighed.

-"What did he tell you?"

And so I told him what Jacob had told me. He frowned.

-"Do you want to hear my side of the story?"

I nodded and started telling me his own side.

-"Jacob was indeed my best friend but you were everything to me, before you I had never felt anything so strong."-he sighed-"When Jacob came to talk to me that night, I suspected that he had feelings for you. When I asked him, or more like made him tell me the truth, I understood I had stopped being his friend the moment you and I became a couple. I was the enemy, the competition. And that night only made our broken friendship official. That´s why I left you..."

-"You left so that Jacob could have me?" I whispered, shocked.

He sighed and looked at me sadly.

-"No, I left to protect you and also him. I left because I was afraid for you. Jacob had been hanging out with people that were the wrong influence for him, I was afraid that he would do something stupid that would end up in you being hurt"

-"You left to save him?"

-"And you... but things went wrong. I was driving, thinking of you, when a car hit me form behind and made me fall off a bridge... in the darkness all that I could see was your face...

"And upon arriving at heaven I swore to myself that I would not let anyone else go through what I had..."

-"Jacob said I had heard your voice..." I trailed off, uncertain.

-"You did, because I was not strong enough to come and visit you, I found a way to still keep watching out for you... now I know that it was mistake"-he looked sadly at his lap-"If time hadn´t passed so differently I could have saved you. But I was too late, when my training ended I found out that you were dead and that Jacob was nowhere to be found...

"I searched for you, for your soul amongst the new ones but you weren´t there, and I couldn´t find you"

-"But I was there" my voice was only a whisper.

-"Now I know"-he sounded so broken-"but back then I didn´t know how you had died, or your soul´s name..."

-"But it was the same..." I whispered again. But I was speechless.

He looked at me, apologetically, silently begging me to understand.

-"When did this happen?"

-"1900-1910, somewhere along that time span, I don´t really remember." He smiled faintly.

-"Thank you for explaining it to me" I said, standing up.

My mind was numb, I was not thinking correctly. I needed to sit down and let my brain absorb it all. Edward seemed to understand because for once, he did not try to stop me. And as I left the cafe, I looked back at him, the man that I had loved once upon a time.

* * *

??POV

-"I am proud of you, my pet. If you continue the bad work, we shall soon have a whole lot of fallen angels" the Dark Lady said, looking down at the demon kneeling in front of her.

-"Thank you, Lady, I have done it all in your name"

-"Ah, you flatter me. I think that if you can finish this mission, I shall give you your horns, and you can sit by my side..."

-"I would be honored" he muttered.

-"Now, go on. There´s still a lot of work to do" she said, dismissing him.

He stood up to leave, dark eyes shinning with pride, wings spread wide.

-"Oh and Jacob"-he turned to look at her-"Don´t make me regret this"

* * *

**soooo... did you like it? or are you going to kill me for what I did? hehe. my lovely beta said she had loved it, let´s hope it´s general! thanks to Ibella999 my one and only beta, don´t forget to read her story (¿amigos intimos o enemigo publicos?) and also ****sorry for not updating as fast as last time... **

**about the demons: (because they too have a class pyramid)**

**-demon lords/ladies.- they are the baddest of them all, sort of like angel elders, but obviously bad :D they have horns and wings (like jacob´s, gargoyle-like) they also eat souls that are brought in by hell-hounds...**

**-demons.- they are bad bad, but not as bad as demon lords. they have only wings, and they want their horns... hehe**

**-hell-hounds.- as you already know they are the hunters... no wings, no horns. **

**and hey! guess what i found that makes this whole thing mooore interesting (it´s going to get better in later chaps!). **

**-edward means guard (perfect for an angel!)**

**-isabella means vow to god (that´s why edward asked if it was her angel name...)**

**-jacob means the supplanter (don´t you think that´s devilish? hehe) **

**sorry for making this AN so long... just one more thing to say: tell me what you think! in other words: REVIEW!!! **


	5. Remembering

**Disclaimer: you know it already... SM is THE owner...**

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Chapter 5.- Remembering 

We were sitting facing each other in his apartment, on his couch. His apartment was really simple and quite small: only two rooms, a kitchen and a bathroom, the first room where we were, had a couch and a small piano, and the rest of the apartment remained a mystery to me.

And now that I had finally seen the inside of his apartment, I couldn´t understand why he could live like this when he had had all the comforts in heaven. It must have taken him a lot of effort to grow used to this place.

We had been sitting silently for the past five minutes and he kept glancing at me, waiting for me to speak up.

-"Why didn´t you tell me?" I finally asked.

He looked disapointed at my question, but also relieved that I had asked something. He sighed and looked sadly at his lap, before looking at me again.

-"How could I have told you? Should I have run to you? Held you close and thank God that he had sent you back to me?" he asked, hurt.

-"You´re right, I´m sorry" I said and it was my turn to look at my lap. He was right and I really don´t know what I had expected from him. It was all I could think at the moment. He sighed, yet again, and raised his hand to touch my face but he must have rethought it because it fell into his lap before he had even gotten close.

-"Bella, don´t be, I´m the one who should be apologizing"

He had to be kidding me right?

-"Why? You did everything right, except dying, of course. But if you loved me the way I think you did-no, the way I _know _you loved me... then it was my own fault for becoming so lost, so helpless without you and eventually dying and loosing all of my memories"

He smiled at me, sadly, as a tear slid down his cheek.

-"Don´t cry Edward." I said as I raised my hand to wipe his tear away. But when my hand connected with his skin a vision flashed before my eyes... of another time, another Edward, another me...

_----Flashback---- _

_We were at the beach, in our usual tree stump. Jacob was back in his house, grounded again for sneaking off to see us. Edward had dragged me here and I didn´t know what for..._

_-"What is it Edward?" I asked as he stared off into space for the eleventh time this day. I could´t help but notice how he looked so handsome with his shirt sleeves rolled up. _

_He sighed but looked at me. _

_-"I have something...ummm... important to tell you, Bells" he said, looking straight into my eyes, making me nervous. _

_-"Oh, something important... does that mean I have to go get Jacob? Well, more like wait for him..." I said looking at my lap, playing with the blue ribbons of my dress. _

_He chuckled and I looked up. What was he laughing about? But as soon as the laugh had started it ended and the seriousness was back in his face. _

_-"No Bells, this is about you and me" _

_My heart went wild at the way he said `you and me´ or the ay my name rolled off his lips. And I tried to imagine what he was going to say... _

_I looked at him and he sighed. _

_-"I have a confession to make, something that´s been killing me ever since that fateful day, when Jacob introduced us"-he paused, looking into my eyes, searching for something-"The truth is that on that day I felt something so strong... it´s been killing me to keep it a secret... sorry, I´m rambling ... what I really wanted to say-is-that-I-love-you"- my eyes must have reached my hairline because he quickly added-"I know it´s too soon for this kind of proposition because we haven´t known each other for very long... but I just need you to know how I feel about you and if you don´t feel the same way, it´s all right..."-he trailed off as he saw tears falling down my cheeks-"Bella, I´m so sorry, that was out of place. I´ll leave now if that´s what you want" he said as he started to stand. _

_I reacted on impulse and held unto his hand, willing him to sit down again. He understood and complied, but I didn´t trust my voice yet and he decided that he wasn´t done talking. _

_-"I want you to know that I´m saying the truth... but I´m not asking you to marry me-yet- I only want a chance to prove to you, to show you, all that I can be... please stop crying, talk to me" he said the last part pleading. _

_And I willed my voice to work. _

_-"Silly Edward, these are tears of joy" His whole face lighted up and he took my hands and kissed them. Then he put his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. _

_-"How was I supposed to know?" he mumbled into my hair, but I heard him, and smiled. _

_----End of flashback----_

-"Bella? Are you alright?" Edward´s face was inches from my face and his hands were on my shoulders, shaking me lightly.

-"Sorry" I said, blinking. And he removed his hands from my shoulders quickly.

He passed his hand through his hair nervously and I stared at him. I realized he hadn´t changed very much from what I remembered, from what I had just seen he was sadder, perhaps, and older but still the same.

-"You kind of spaced out on me and I got worried...I mean, nobody wants a malfunctioning guardian angel right?"-he chuckled nervously but when I didn´t respond to his joke he waved his hand in front of my eyes and I was forced to focus on him-"Bells? What´s wrong? Talk to me" he pleaded.

I froze, he had called me Bells, like he used to do back when... I sighed, I couldn´t lie to him, I couldn´t hide what I had just seen.

-"I saw... I had a flashback... a memory... of us-"he stiffened-"I saw something that I believe happened... I saw you, and me, we were on the beach and you were telling me that you... that you...-"but I couldn´t bring myself to say it-"well, your feelings about me... and I remember the tears I shed because you had finally told me what I wanted..."He looked at me, worried. I was disappointed that he hadn´t felt happy for me, after all I was remembering my past life.

-"Oh really? Tell me, did your flashback stop when you started crying?" he asked. He was completely missing the point! He was supposed to be happy!

-"Mmm, no. It stopped when you mumbled into my hair that you couldn´t have known what my tears meant." I smiled, vacantly, remembering the feel of his arms around me.

-"Nothing else then?" he continued, frowning. Why couldn´t he just be happy for me?

-"What´s wrong with you? I already told you: no, Edward" I said, rolling my eyes at him, but he paled.

-"Why do you keep calling me Edward?" he asked.

Again with him changing topics and avoiding questions.

-"Because that´s your name... Edward Anthony Masen..."-I said remembering his human name-"and don´t try to change the subject, you´re hiding something from me." I said, narrowing my eyes.

He cracked a smile, as if saying `you´re getting better at this´, but then he looked at his lap.

-"It´s just that after that, we went to see Jacob, and he... guessed what had happened... and from that day on, our friendship plummeted to the ground... and I never realized that until it was too late..."

-"In the name of..."-I said exasperated-"Edward Anthony Masen, stop blaming yourself for everything! It wasn´t your fault alright? So stop this self-pity thing you´ve got! You can´t change what happened and blaming yourself only makes things look worse than they really were." He looked astounded that I had raised my voice at him. But he recovered quickly.

-"Is this Bella Swan, the human, speaking or am I talking to Isabella, the guardian angel?" he was angry at me, and he used the only thing that could cause me distress. And he only made me angrier.

-"Bella Swan might have looked like me but that´s the past! And right now I am Isabella, _your _guardian angel. Bella Swan was a hopeless lovestruck teenager that was so self-absorbed that she didn´t realized the harm she was making by pulling away from the ones that were trying to heal her. I am a powerful angel and the best of my kind. I refuse to be dragged down by her mistakes. I am here to help you, not the other way around. And I will do everything I can to make you see what´s right even if it involves shouting at you... So don´t even think that I want your help"

Who said angels couldn´t get angry?

-"Yet you did come to me for explanations..."

-"So what? Would it have been better if I had gone to Jacob? Besides you were the one that started this! You were the one that wanted to know if I remembered my past life. You were the one who insisted"-I pointed accusingly at him-"And you want to know what I saw that time you asked me? Pain, sadness, tragedy! So it´s better if we don´t pursue it this anymore! I am happy with what I am" I said crossing my arms and looking at him, daring him to say otherwise.

But again he surprised me by changing topics.

-"Are you really happy? Are you happy being a guardian angel, Bella? Taking care of everyone but yourself. Always keeping strangers company yet always lonely..." he trailed off taking my hands in his, kissing them like he had done so many years ago.

And I felt the urge to be wrapped by his arms, to feel his heartbeat against my nonexistent heart and to hear his voice in my ear whispering sweet nothings to me. He tilted my chin and made me look at him, look into his perfect green eyes and he made me want to get lost in them so badly... I saw his face come closer to mine and I knew what would happen next.

Then he whispered, ever so softly, "Bella" and everything snapped into focus. I twisted away from his grip and stood up quickly.

-"Stop doing this Edward!" I shouted at him.

He was still shocked at my reaction, his hands still suspended in the air where mine had previously been.

-"Stop doing what, Bella?" he looked hurt and his hands returned to his lap.

-"This Edward!"-I said pointing between us two-"Stop confusing me" I whispered the last part.

He looked at me, pleading with his perfect green eyes. Begging for me to understand that this was as difficult and new for him as it was for me.

-"Stop fighting it Bella" he murmured and stood up, reaching for me.

It was now or never. I turned my back on him and marched to the door, I yanked it open and then turned to look at him.

-"There is no `it´ Edward." I said and left him, yet again.

* * *

-"Bella? What´s wrong?"-Esme said, surprised as I came up to her and just hugged her-"Bella, dearest, tell me" she said as she pulled back to look into my eyes.

-"I... it´s just that..." I started but when Esme saw how distressed I was she invited me to sit where we wouldn´t be bothered.

-"Now, tell me what´s bothering you" she said calmly.

Sometimes I wish I could be like Esme, always calm and motherly; or like Carlisle who always knew what to expect from people; or even like Rosalie, who treated everything with cold indifference. Right now, I was not feeling calm, nor indifferent and much less did I know what to expect.

-"So much has happened... where to begin?" I said, hopelessly burying my head in my hands.

Esme patted my back.

-"How about if you start at the beginning?"

I nodded and straightened. And I told her everything as far back as when I had come to her for information about Edward. By the end of my story I was pacing up and down in front of her.

-"But the worst part is that he made something inside of me... move... I feel something inside of me..." I gave up trying to explain and plopped down beside her.

-"Bella, everything will be alright" she said.

-"It´s just that I´m feeling so confused right now. I can´t think straight"

-"It was too much for you, darling"-I snorted at this-"But just answer me this Bella: is there any possibility that you are mistaking being confused from being afraid"

I frowned.

-"Afraid of what?"

-"Afraid of everything: you past, you feelings, even Edward"

Somehow her words made sense.

-"Maybe..."

-"How do you feel about your past?" she asked, looking straight into my eyes.

-"I... want to remember it" I said nervously.

-"Ah... But the question is: do you want to remember it for yourself or for Edward?"

I gaped at her.

-"For... me... I think" I said hesitantly.

But if she sensed my doubts she didn´t press the matter further. That´s why I had come to Esme, always so... Esme

-"Well, darling, I don´t mean to be rude but I have to get back to the kids"-she said as she kissed my cheek and hugged me.-"you can stay here a little bit more if you like"

I nodded and kept thinking about what she had said.

Could it be possible that I only wanted to find out about my past for Edward? It intrigued me, deep down I really didn´t want to know what I had done, I didn´t want to see my mistakes. But maybe I could know more about him that way... yet I also wanted to know how I had lived, how I had loved... but it brought me back to Edward...

_Do everything you can to bring him back _Carlisle´s voice sounded in my head.

_I am doing this for myself _I repeated to myself.

But I knew that I was doing this for the both of us.

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**I liked the chapter... did you? well I don´t think there´s much to say... thanks, as always, to my beta: Ibella999 and again, check out her story!!! Again for those reading Memoirs, the chapter is almost ready... apparently being on vacation only dries my brain hehe. **

**Thanks to everyone for their reviews, even though some of them were small, I appreciate it. Although just a brief reminder: you can say what you´re thinking people! I won´t hold it against you... it can be constructive criticism... **

**REVIEW!!!!!!!! **

**Oh! Almost forgot... thanks to all the anonymous readers!!! **


	6. About rings and promises

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer... well we all know what she owns and how we wish we were her...**

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Chapter 6.- About rings and promises

-"Can angels dream?" I asked Carlisle for the eleventh time.

I had been asking questions like this for about an hour, in earth time, of course, and contrary to general belief, Carlisle was getting sick of me.

-"No, Bella, angels cannot dream, conjure up images from another time, or hallucinate. What you see are memories, or your imagination... but I rather doubt that"

-"So I´m remebering my past?"

-"I would think so, yes"-he sighed-"I can´t do anything to help you, I can´t make them come or go. But you can tell me about them and where you had them, and we can make out a pattern"

-"Right"

He pulled out his notebook, where he had written everything I had told him about my past.

-"Where did you remember the first time?"

-"In Edward´s appartment, when he touched my cheek" He nodded and scribbled something in his notebook.

-"Yes, you already told me about that but have you had any other flashbacks?"

-"Yes, yesterday"

-"What were you doing?"

-"Nothing... well I was thinking about Edward and how he frustates me so"

He wrote again.

-"Alright. Can you tell me about it?"

-"Sure"

He leaned forward and waited for me to start.

_-"Edward! I missed you! And guess what?" _

_He hugged me back but his eyes were distant, his mind was elsewhere. _

_-"What Bells?" _

_-"I made Charlie promise that he would never again send me to spend quality time with my mother when she´s away from where I am... in other words, she can come visit because I don´t plan on going anywhere far from you" _

_He looked away and smiled sadly. _

_-"Edward what aren´t you telling me?" I said, stepping away from him. _

_He sighed. _

_-"Bella, promise me you´ll let me finish before interrupting"-I nodded-"There´s no easy way of saying this so... I´m moving, out of town, in a few days" _

_I had to bite my lip in order to remain silent. _

_-"My father was promoted and his job is out of town... so they´ve decide that we shall all move away" _

_A tear slid down my cheek, he wiped it with his hand. _

_-"Don´t cry Bells. I already made them promise I could come back. I´ll come back every chance I can and in a year or so, I´ll come and get you" _

_-"Why do you have to leave?" _

_-"Because they´re my family... I really don´t want to Bells but I have to" _

_-"You´ll come back..." _

_-"Nothing can stop me from coming back for you. I´ll get here, I´ll fight for you, for our love, with every living breath in my body" _

_I was sobbing by now. He took my face in his hands and made me look at him. _

_-"Don´t cry Bells, please. I´m not finished yet"-he pulled something from his pocket-"I have something for you... and it comes with a promise, my promise to you..."-he took a deep breath-"Isabella Swan, I promise to come back for you. And I promise that when I come back, I´ll take care of you. I love you and I´d like to make you my wife, if you allow me to, when we´re together again.... Bella, my vow to you is that... do you accept it?" he finished akwardly. _

_-"You´re proposing..." _

_-"Well, yeah. Because I love you."_

_-"Oh..." _

_I just gawked at him. _

_-"Bella, love, you have to say something" he said, shifting his weight from foot to foot. _

_-"Oh... yes. I mean yes, I´d like to be your wife some day" _

_He hugged me and kissed me. But too soon he pulled away._

_-"Can I give you your ring now?" _

_-"My... ring?" _

-"What does that mean Carlisle?"

He closed his notebook and put it in the table beside him.

-"Bella, you need to stop wondering what every little thing means."

-"Right."-I stood up and started pacing-"But it frustates me! I can´t remember anything properly! And somehow that ring seems so important, so very important, but I can´t remember why!"

-"I suggest that you go ask Edward" he said calmly.

-"Why him?"

-"Well, he was the one who gave it you and apparently he triggers your memory"

* * *

-"Edward? Can- " I said, flying straight through the window. He look startled but recovered almost immmediately.

-"Before you say anything can I just apologize for what happpened the other day?"-I just stared at him-"Well, I´m sorry Bella for what I did, for making you fell uncomfortable and for pushing you away... that´s the last thing I would want."

-"Right,"-he smiled crookedly at me-"now can I ask you something?"

-"Again?" his smiled faded.

I glared at him.

-"It´s about my past"

-"You mean our past right?" he said innocently with the smiled back in his face.

-"Yeah, sure, whatever... I was wondering what happened to my ring after I died... I mean I remember when you gave it to me, but somehow the ring itself is still veiled, so I don´t remember what it looked like and I was just wondering of there was any chance I could look at it...?"

He was uncomfortable and he avoided looking at me.

-"I´m sorry... I think it got lost when you jumped off that cliff" he said at last.

-"Oh... right. Well, thanks anyway." Dissappointment washed over me.

-"Tell me the real reason why you want that ring back" he blurted.

Think Bella, think!

-"Sentimental value?" I ventured.

He snorted. He didn´t buy it- but it had been worth the try.

-"I think Jacob knows where it is, that´s why I was talking to him the other day, but he refuses to tell me where it is, if he indeed has it. He is the one who told me that it had gotten lost, but I think he kept it"

-"Seriously?"

He still thought Jacob was the bad guy... and the whole demon thing was not helping him.

-"Yep"

-"Why would he hide it?"

-"You mean besides the fact that he is demon who was sentimentally atached to you in another life... I have no idea"

-"That´s weird don´t you think?" I frowned.

-"No... he liked to keep things that reminded him of some person or place, like a magpie... I used to tease him about it" he smiled sadly.

-"Can he do any kind of magic with that?"

-"No, the only thing I can think of is extracting memories, gold is a very powerful metal and emeralds can keep memories... well not exactly memories, feelings and images. It depends on the one who wore it, sometimes only voices can be heard, or maybe images, or sometimes just feelings, but it´s only the ones that had a very strong impact on the wearer. I´m guessing that the ring could hold details about something important and significant"

-"Like my death?"

-"I guess so" he was uncomfortable.

-"So if I get the ring back I can know how I died?"

I stood up. That was it! That was why it was so important! I needed to get it back and finally know how it was that I had jumped from that cliff.

-"Maybe not every detail and only very advanced angels have acomplished it, but I think you could do it"

* * *

Jacob POV

-"Have you done what I asked of you Jacob?" she said, in her midnight voice.

-"I´m... trying" I fidgeted in my place. I hate it when she uses that tone with me.

-"Well trying won´t get you anywhere near you horns, so start working before I change my mind"she snapped.

-"But-"

-"Are you feeling guilty Jacob?" she sneered.

-"No" it was an automatic response.

-"Are you backing out?"

-"No"

-"Then. Get. To. Work!" She shouted.

I almost ran from her presence and as soon as I was outside her house I flew back to Earth, deciding that I needed a drink.

Tecnically I couldn´t get drunk, at least not with human alcohol. Demon alcohol was another story, but I had never gotten used to the taste of that liquor, it was strong and dirty and just plain disgusting. So for now I just wanted the taste of the old stuff I used to drink when I was human, it tasted much better even though it had no effect on me...

I asked for the usual when I got to the grimy cafe where I had seen Edward a few days ago.

Edward, who had once been my very best friend and who in the end had stolen everything from me, he had stolen my best friend and only love from me, even my father cared more for him than for me. And then he had left her, had left Bella to me. But what he left behind was not Bella, he left the pieces for me to put back together. Pieces that could never fit back together no matter how hard I tried, because I was not him. And I had been glad when I knew he was dead... except for the fact that Bella only got worse. He had been a traitor and he was the one responsible for everything that had happened. Because of him, Bella had died.

I sighed and took a drink of my whisky, feeling it burn down my throat and have no effect on me whatsoever.

Bella... Bella... who after all of these years still looked as good as when I had first met her, of course now she was an angel. My mortal enemy, and the best one, she claimed. What had been a surprise was that she had not recoiled away from me the way she should have if she had recognized me. I mean, he looking disgusted at the sight of me was bad enough, but it could have been worse. So I guessed it was for the best she didn´t remember anything... if only I could keep her away from Edward, I could make her believe that she had been in love with me, that we had had something so very pure and light, almost like love... and with time, she could learn to love me, maybe not as strongly as I love her, or as she had love me... but I could never get her to come away with me, not while I was demon. Maybe if I decided to be human... but how do you do that? Just suddenly decide to become human and by magic you are? It had to be harder than that...

Another drink of whisky and my glass was empty. I signaled the bar tender and he served me some more, eyeing me suspiciously. I couldn´t blame him, I looked like a bad guy looking for trouble, I had always looked like this. And yet I wanted to shout at him, "that´s what I´m supposed to look like! I am goddam demon!" but the only thing that would get me was a fight, and today I was not in the mood for that.

She had said, get to work. And work consisted on making Edward and Bella´s life miserable... and where would that get me? Oh right, it would get me a pair of horns and being _her _consort. Ugh, _she_ had been so annoying lately, it is like she is hiding something from me... I wonder what would happen if I told her that I quit? She would probably make me burn in the eternal fires of Hell for all eternity... What if I didn´t tell her and just ran away? She would find me, she had so many spies everywhere. And besides where would I run to? To Edward and Bella? He would never trust me and she would follow his example... I am damned to be alone for all eternity.

I sighed and got up. No matter how much mortal whisky I drank it was not doing anything for me. It was time to get some Fire Whisky straight from the deepest bowels of Hell, no matter how bad it tasted, it would make me forget just for a little while. I sighed and flew back down.

Get to work, she had ordered. Making Bella´s life miserable... hmmm perhaps if I showed her what _really _happened when she died... and then trap her, somehow.

I smiled. I could see it, her fighting against the bonds and Edward watching without being able to anything about it... yes it would be splendid. But it would take time to get that memory back and time for the final strike to be ready... and time was exactly what I needed.

I wanted to make Bella believe that she could trust me and remember her past with Edward and then rip out everything form under her in an instant. She was an angel, it´s in her nature to see good in everyone, it would be easy.

My grin got wider. And _she _would be so pleased with me...

* * *

**Oh uh... Jacob´s up to something... :D **

**Thanks to my beta: Ibella999 for helping me, she was the one with the idea to make the whole Carlisle segment at the beginning (well, she didn´t say Carlisle but she helped :D) again, don´t forget to see her story: ¿amigos intimos o enemigos publicos?**

**I was very happy when the number of visitors in Memoirs was higher than this one unfortunately it only lasted about a day (hehe) so I´ve decided to just live with the fact that people love Bella-Edward fics better than Jacob fics... although it still makes me sad :( you know what would make me reeeeaaaally happy?? if you reviewed!!! like little-miss-randomness17 did, she reviewed every single chapter!! (but seriously little-miss-randomness17 you made me real happy! you made me feel special haha thanks!!!) and she also said some very good things that made me even happier hehe**

**so you know what to do... **

**REVIEW!! **

**PS I have an announcement... I´m going on vacation for a couple of weeks and then school starts... so I guess what I´m saying is that don´t pressure me! Chaps will come when they have to come... and please don´t think that I´ve abandoned my story... I´ll try, that´s all I can promise **

**PS2 sorry for the eternal AN...**


	7. New Companions part 1

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything **

* * *

Chapter 7.- New Companions (part 1) 

Carlisle was sitting quietly reading when I burst through his door. He was still not surprised at my sudden appearance, in fact he didn´t even flinch.

He nodded in my direction.

-"Bella"

-"Carlisle I can´t take it anymore" I said in a rush.

He closed his book and looked at me.

-"Take what anymore?" He gestured to a chair in front of him.

Say it quickly Bella, before you have second thoughts.

-"This whole thing, this Edward and my past thing. This mission." I said and then sat not-so-gracefully in the chair he was offering.

-"And what exactly to you think I can do about it?" he raised an eyebrow.

I took in a breath and prepared myself.

-"I want to propose that you reconsider my mission"

-"Reconsider?" he leaned forward in his chair, looking me straight in the eye.

_Don´t be nervous, that´s the key to everything. _

-"Yes, I want you to consider letting me abort this mission and assigning me a new one"

He took a measuring look, leaned back and sighed.

-"Bella, you do realize that if we authorize your abortion you will not be able to qualify as a guardian angel? Guardian angels never give up. You can never be a guardian angel if you quit"

My stomach churned. I already knew that I could never be a guardian angel, but the way Carlisle said it made me uneasy.

-"I know, and that is what I intend" I said as emotionless as I could.

-"I thought you wanted to be a guardian angel, that it was your dream" his brow furrowed.

-"Not anymore"

He studied me and sighed again.

-"I´ll see what I can do."-he said seriously-"I shall inform you once the decision is made"

-"Thank you, Carlisle" I got up and left.

And as I left the study I couldn´t help but wonder: was I willing to sacrifice everything because I was scared of my feelings?

* * *

Carlisle had sent a younger angel to fetch me, he had started talking the moment he saw me and never did shut up. I´d been so nervous that I had barely paid attention to a word he said. I hadn´t even paid attention to what his name was. And now Carlisle was sitting in front of me.

-"Bella we´ve reconsidered your current mission" he started.

-"We?" I thought it was only up to him.

-"The elders and I have decided that-"

-"Before you say it I really want to thank for considering my proposition" I said quickly.

-"Please don´t interrupt me"- I nodded, embarrassed-"We have decided that this is the right mission for you and that you will proceed with it.-"He bid me to be quiet with his finger-"However we have decided to assign someone to you, to help you stay on your path and thereby guide your mortal into heaven again"

No, No, NO! This isn´t what I wanted!

I could feel my jaw reach the floor.

-"Why?"

-"Because we fear that the reason why you wanted to abort this mission is because you don´t consider yourself strong enough. So the objective of this other angel is to help you make the right decisions and stay on your path"

I sighed and shook my head. I guess that no matter how hard I try, I still am too easy to read.

-"Who?"

-"His name is Seth, one of the most promising student angels we have. We have decided that this is the right mission for him because you can learn from each other. I trust that you will teach him all you can and also hear his opinions. I´m counting on you"

Now he´s counting on me? Why, why couldn´t he let me get away with it for once? But I will not go down without a fight.

-"Why?"

-"I already told you why"

-"No, why have you decided that this is the right mission for me?"

He straightened himself up on his chair.

-"Because you have potential" his eyes hardened.

-"Meaning because you don´t want me become someone like Edward?"- I spat-" You don´t want me to become one of the fallen... But you don´t understand that the chances of me falling are greater next to..."

His mouth was a grim line by the time I finished the sentence and then he just stared at me, hard and coldly as if he was daring me to say more about the subject.

-"Next to whom Bella?" he said in a midnight voice.

-"I´m sorry that was out of line-"his eyes softened but he didn´t smile as he usually did-"When and where will I meet this new angel?"

His posture was more relaxed now, but there was still tension in the air.

-"Well you have already met, he is the one that asked for you to come here to see me."

What did he look like? Think Bella, think.

Brown hair, dark eyes, very talkative. Kind of tall, beautiful wings though.

-"Oh... what´s was his name again?"

-"Seth"

-"Right..."

-"As a matter of fact he´s still here. Seth!"

And then Seth came in... I was starting to think he could be a very good companion, that is until he started talking.

-"Bella, it´s such a pleasure to see you, again. I know we´ll be a great team." He said with a twinkle in his eyes and big smile on his face.

Well it could have been worse...

-"Well Bella why don´t you take him to meet Edward?"

-"Edward? Who´s Edward?"

-"My mortal. Now let´s go meet him. Goodbye Carlisle."

During the first half of the trip he didn´t stop talking, he kept telling me stuff about him.

-"I died really young you know, barely sixteen. But it was an accident, or maybe fate... I was killed in a shooting, you know wrong place wrong time. My family was devastated because of it and I for a while I felt wretched"

-"I really admire you, Bella. I told you before but I don´t think you heard me, you looked pretty nervous."

-"Yeah... sorry about that"

* * *

**Yeah... sorry about the long update... school came... **

**No, I´m really sorry about that... that´s why I decided to post this very little part of the chapter, it´s sort of like a peace offering (don´t hate me! :( just keep reading my story) and the second one will be up in no more than two weeks (hopefully...) and will have more seth, edward and jacob. just bear with me... **

**thanks to everyone! especially my beta Ibella999!!! **

**Please, please REVIEW.... **


	8. New Companions part 2

**As promissed: part 2 **

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all... I just like to play with her characters. **

* * *

Chapter 8.- New Companions (part 2)

_-"Yeah... sorry about that" _

-"No problem"-he fell quiet for a while-"Tell me about Edward"

-"He´s my mortal... "

I didn´t think I could tell him about him being a fallen angel, it was to risk too much. And besides I doubted Edward would approve.

* * *

I decided to enter Edward´s apartment through his window, only this time Edward wasn´t home but we decided to wait for him in his house. Seth didn´t mind at all and started looking around, commenting on the scarce decoration.

Edward arrived half an hour later with a bag of groceries that he almost dropped when he saw us. His sudden surprise turned quickly into a glare.

-"Don´t you think you should, like, make an appointment or something instead of showing up and scaring my wits out of me? It´s kinda getting on my nerves" he said as he walked to the kitchen and dropped the bag on the table.

-"Of course, I´ll make an appointment with your secretary. Can I have her number?"-I extended my palm and held my other hand above it as if it was a pen.-"Or would you like me to page you before I appear?" I finished sarcastically and rolled my eyes.

Seth just stood beside me looking amused at how we glared at each other. Edward noticed him when Seth chuckled and his eyes narrowed to slits.

-"Who is this, Bella?" he said coldly. Could it be that he was jealous?

I stood closer to Seth and put my hand on his arm.

-"My new partner"-he raised an eyebrow-"It´s complicated... Edward. This is Seth"

-"Nice to meet you, Edward" Seth extended his hand, but Edward didn´t shake it.

-"My name is not Edward" he glared at Seth.

I groaned internally. Not again!

-"Yes it is" I said fiercely.

-"No it isn´t" He glared at me.

-"Then how should I call you?" Seth said politely.

-"I don´t have a name" Edward said courtly.

-"So it would be like no-name? Is that how I am supposed to call you?" Seth started, mockingly.

Edward opened his mouth to make a nasty comment when I jumped in between them.

-"Down boy, down"-I told Seth-"And you"- I turned to Edward-"will let us call you Edward okay?"-He gave a curt nod but continued to glare-"Ok let´s start again, Edward this is Seth, Seth this is Edward"

-"Hello, pleasure to make your acquantaince" Seth said, smiling from ear to ear as if nothing had happened. How he could do that while Edward glared at him was beyond me.

-"Yeah, sure" Edward shrugged and stepped back.

There was no handshake yet, but no hands had been offered this time. After that came an awkward silence.

-"Ok, now that you´ve met... goodbye" I said and turned towards the window, to fly off as soon as possible.

-"Wait, Bella!" Edward grabbed my arm, holding me back from the window.

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Flashback_

_-"Wait Bella!" I turned around to look at him-"You forgot to give me a kiss" he said with his crooked smile. _

_And I couldn´t help the silly grin that crept unto my face. I giggled and jumped into his arms, kissing him full in the mouth. _

_-"I love you Bells" he murmured between kisses. _

_And I felt like the happiest person on Earth. The happiest and luckiest. _

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

-"Are you going to explain to me what is going on?"-he held me close to him-"Elders don´t assign partners just because they feel like it" he whispered into my ear.

-"It´s none of your business" I said as I struggled out of his grasp.

-"It´s my business if you´re my angel" he snapped and held on to my arm.

-"And you´re my mortal but that doesn´t mean I know everything about you" I snapped back.

He froze and released my arm. He sighed.

-"How about this, explain this partner thing to me and I will answer one question."-he smiled-"But you go first"

-"No, you go first" I glared at him and he glared back. We stood there glaring at each other.

-"Yeah... I think I´m gonna go now..."-Seth said awkwardly-"erm... goodbye Bella, see you Edward" he said quickly and disappeared before we could even look at him.

-"You. Will. Go. First. Edward" I said through clenched teeth, and he glared at me. Then he sighed and shrugged.

-"Fine... ask away..."

I had won! Now what could I ask?...

-"Why didn´t you look for me when you heard I was dead?" I said looking him in the eye.

His eyes fell on the floor and he walked to his couch. He plopped on it and sighed, staring at his hands.

-"I was... afraid" he murmured.

-"Afraid? Of what?" I said curiously.

-"I was afraid that I would look for you and find you. And when I found you I was afraid of what you would think of me, of how you would react... I was afraid that you would blame me... and never want to see me again" his last words were a whisper.

-"But that´s stupid, Edward"

I took his hand in mine.

-"Yeah..." he avoided my gaze.

-"I loved you... I could have never hated you..." I started tracing patterns on his hand. But he didn´t answer.

I looked up to see him staring intently at me.

-"Bella..." he cradled my hand in his.

As an impulse I quickly pulled my hand away.

-"So what was it that you wanted to ask?" I said hurriedly.

He smirked at me. His perfect, mocking, crooked smile.

-"Why do you have a partner?"

-"Because I..." he had opened himself to me, maybe I should too "I wanted to quit, I wanted to get away from you"

His eyes were hurt. And he tangled his hand in his hair.

-"Why?" he whispered, looking away.

-"Because I was afraid. Afraid of my memories, afraid of my feelings, my feelings for you..."

Suddenly my hands seemed very interesting.

-"Are you saying that you feel something for me?" he inquired quickly.

I closed my eyes and avoided his question.

-"I was scared of everything, of the unknown. Of the things that happened when I met you, of what was expected of me... it felt like too much" I looked at my lap, too afraid to look at him.

Suddenly his arms wrapped around me. I froze.

-"It´s alright Bells. It´s alright to be scared" He started rubbing my back and my body slowly relaxed.-"But I´m glad the elders didn´t let you quit" he whispered into my ear.

* * *

Jacob POV

A round diamond, circled by emeralds, set on a gold band. The best kind... To create images... images and memories... He didn´t imagine how much harm his declaration of love would bring, when he had bought it...

_You´ll need light... a lot of light... _

Light... the sun! Golden light to bathe the ring in a sparkle of stars... stars that will soon burst into sharp needles of pain...

_Something to hold the ring, you can´t touch it or you´ll burn with the force of memories..._

A table of some sort... or a stick... but it will have to be pure, to touch were her finger has been... to be where she has been... a place untouched by human hands...

Some place where light can shine amidst the darkness... a cave... near the ocean... yes, a rock to hold the ring at the exact point so that light can shine through it.

_Once opened you need to make it easier, so that she can open it without difficulty: you´ll need greater powers... moon and sun, water and fire. Summon them to aid you. Time is of the essence. The ring must open..._

When light becomes dark, when fire touches water and the world is filled with magic. In a cave... filled with rocks... a ray of sun comes through the opening... almost time...

_Twilight _

Twilight... a single ray of sun pierces the diamonds... a true show, when the sun makes the water turn red, like blood... his own blood spilled while the moon watches his lover die...

Fragmented images surround me... flashes of people... full of emotions...

Ah, yes... she will never know what hit her.

* * *

**Exactly two weeks!! haha!! who ever knew that exams could be so drainning, tiring and stressing? (answer: everyone knows that! duh!) Thanks for bearing with me! :D**

**Oh right! italics in Jacob POV mean memories of what his Mistress said. **

**Thanks to my beta Ibella999 who said this was the best chapter yet... hope you think the same! And to all anonymous and known readers, reviewers and all the rest. **

**REVIEW! it makes me happy :D and keeps me writing :D**


	9. Avoiding people

Chapter 9.- Avoiding People

-"Hey Belly! How are you doing this fine morning?" Seth called from the door, startling out of my book.

-"Fine, thank you. Why are you so happy today?"

_Wait a minute did he call me Belly?! What the... _

-"No special reason... hey I´m going down to earth... need anything?"

-"Seth if you´re asking for my permission, you can go wherever you want to go, but thanks for the heads up"- he smiled relieved and turned to leave the room- "on second thought could you please go check on Edward?" He stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at me.

-"Ummm, yeah sure, but aren´t you coming too?"

-"No, I have some things to do and they need to be done alone..." I was hoping he would catch on and just leave me alone, I knew that the wise thing was to tell him what I was planning on doing, but I was afraid that if I told him he wouldn´t let me go.

But Seth didn´t say any more, he just stood there, looking at me.

-"Angels can´t lie Bella" he said flatly.

-"I´m not lying, Seth;"- I shrugged- "besides angels can lie, they just don´t do it... often" I whispered the last part.

-"Okay Bella, if you say so... but what am I supposed to tell Edward if he asks?"

Oh crap! Edward... he could not now what I was doing, because he would undoubtedly come chasing after me and would put himself in danger and then I would have to do something about it and... it would be much to complicated.

-"Tell him that I had some very important things to do, and I wanted to do them on my own and not worrying about him..." I shuddered at the different scenarios that would happen if he followed me.

-"So you´ll be gone for a few days then?"

-"Yes... but if I take more than a week, come look for me" it had never hurt anybody to have a backup plan right?

-"And where exactly are you going?" he raised an eyebrow and he looked so much like when Carlisle scolded me that I had to look away.

-"Edward knows where I´m going, but please don´t ask him until a week has passed"

-"Why not?"

-"Because he´ll freak out when he figures it out"

-"And how will he find out?"

-"Well, because you´ll tell him... promise me that you won´t tell him unless something goes wrong"

-"I promise"

I knew that he could break his promise anytime he wanted because it hadn´t been an oath, with all the fancy words, but I was hoping he wouldn´t tell hm unless it was absolutely necessary.

-"Fine, tell him I´m going to find out what happened to my past"

-"To your past?"

-"Yes, not in my past, to my past. You have to say it right Seth ok?"

-"Yes ma´am. Ummm Bella, should I be worried?"

-"No, I don´t think so, but follow your gut kid. Now fly along, little one"

He grumbled to himself, something about not being a child and showing me what a little one like him could do... I smiled.

* * *

-"Bella?" I turned around and found Rosalie in the door.

-"Rosalie? How may I help you?" I got up and left the book on the table.

She looked at me straight in the eye and gestured for me to follow her. I was a very curious angel, so I decided to follow her. We flew back into her house, where Emmett was waiting for us.

-"Nice to see you again Bella" he greeted me with another hug.

-"Emmett did you set it all up?"

-"Yes, of course, Rosie. It´s in the back" he smiled as he gestured towards another door.

-"What´s in the back?"

-"Guardian angel Isabella. You came here a few weeks ago, asking about fallen angels and why they were a secret. Today I am going to show another thing that may not have any relevance to you for now, but that you must know to succeed in your mission"

-"Alright…"

I followed her into another room, where there was a huge basin with a lot of tubes coming out of it and into another set of bottles hanging all over the room.

-"What is this?"

-"It´s something we like to call a memory player"

-"A memory player?"

-"Yeah, it´s plays memories, you know like in a movie?" Emmett said with a silly grin.

-"So you want to show me a memory?"

I couldn´t understand why she wanted to see me and the so-called memory player looked very strange.

-"Look into the basin"

I walked up to it and slowly leaned into it.

* * *

_Memory _

_I was standing, hiding from someone, something. All dressed in black, followed by men, who I just knew where on my side. Creeping quietly on an open door, with light pouring from inside, heavy footsteps can be heard. _

_I call for them to stop as a giant sarcophagus comes walking out the door, an image that can be funny in any other moment. Al golden, with hieroglyphs picturing a woman pharaoh; suddenly, with an explosion, the being locked inside of it breaks free. A women dressed in formal Egyptian robes, all white and gold, comes out of it; beautiful, with black hair and perfect skin, but has one flaw, her beautiful black eyes can´t see._

_Even so, she turns to us, as if she could see us. She walks slowly but surely, towards us, muttering something. I realize it´s some kind of spell meant to trap us._

_With a quick hand gesture I make my companions throw themselves into the pool nearby. The woman smiled as her eyes followed us, she cocked her head to the side and suddenly had a plate in her hand. She threw it straight to my face, and she almost got me, but I sunk into the water in the last second. I had the feeling that she hadn´t meant to be so accurate, that she wanted to use the sound to locate us, like a sonar. _

_She smiled and started walking towards us, acting quickly I got out of the water trying to make as little sound as possible. I gestured to my companions to do the same, but they were hypnotized with her, they could only stare at her. She smiled and the air shimmered before them. _

_She looked at me and said: _

_-"I know you are there, your steps are so light it is difficult to know where exactly you are, but I will find you. Eventually you will make a mistake and I will get my eyesight back."_

_Her words were full of promises, and omens I hoped could never come true. Somehow her words filled me with terror, even though I didn´t know what she was talking about. _

_She smiled one last time and turned back to my companions. _

_-"One of you will come out of there and help me look for something" _

_One of them stood up and slowly started walking towards her, but as if he was in a trance. His eyes seemed to be focused only on her and looked kind of glazed. _

_-"You will go into the museum and look for a book with a swan on it." _

_He nodded and started walking towards to where I stood. _

_-"Oh and kill whoever stands in your way" she smiled. _

_I had no idea what she was talking about, but I knew I had to get the book before she did, and I also knew that my friend would not doubt to kill me if I got in his way. _

_I ran towards the door and entered the museum, it was a lit up place with a lot of space and statues all over the place. It also had a lot of plants and in the corner a staircase made of bamboos. I had no idea where the book might be, but I saw movement upstairs and decided that if there was someone up there, they might help me find the book. _

_I ran up the stairs making a lot of noise, because of the creaking bamboos but my friend didn´t even look at me, he just kept looking around… _

_I found an old man in a robe, clutching a cup of coffee in his hands. He looked at me with a curiosity, not fear. _

_-"Are you here to help?" _

_-"Yes, I need the book with the swan on it" I said, out of breath. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins and I was suddenly hyper aware of my friend downstairs and the woman outside. _

_-"I know, it´s on the table. What is she?" he asked curious, pointing to where she was, outside. _

_-"Something that should not be here" _

_He smiled at me and nodded. _

_-"Hide and don´t come out until dawn. I will have terminated her by then" _

_He nodded again and walked away. _

_-"Be careful, child of mine" _

_I raised an eyebrow as he disappeared. I was dwelling on his pet name, when I heard the staircase shake and decided that I couldn´t go that way back down. I looked around and found a door that led to a balcony. Deciding that it was better than nothing I ran out as I heard him coming upstairs. _

_-"You can´t keep running, just give me the book" the woman whispered from below. _

_-"No" _

_-"Push her" _

_I felt hands on my back, pushing me towards the edge of the balcony, I tried to fight back but either I held on to the book or on to my life. I decided that the book was worth it. _

_We got to the edge and I couldn´t feel the floor underneath my feet, I looked down and saw that I was floating above the ground, level with the balcony. _

_The woman was looking up at me. _

_-"No!" she shouted and the blood raised to her cheeks –"shoot her! The only way to kill an angel is to shoot it!" _

_An angel? I was no angel, but when I looked behind my back I saw two beautiful white wings coming out of my back. I felt something pass through me and looked shocked at my chest, only to find it was intact. I looked at my friend and saw that he was holding a bow and had just fired an arrow into my chest. _

_-"No… the only way to kill an angel is by the person whom she loves" _

_She looked at the man left on the pool, he raised his eyes to her and got out of the water. _

_-"No!" I shouted as she handed him a bow and arrow._

_-"Shoot her in the heart, if she has one" _

_He raised the bow and arrow. _

_-"Ramses no!" I shouted at him and suddenly it became clear who she was: Cleopatra. But who am I? _

_I felt the arrow pierce my body and his scream as he realized what he had done. I fell to the ground in a heap and felt arms holding me. _

_-"No, no, no. __What have you done?!" he screamed. _

_I opened my eyes and saw his face, hurt and worry clearly written on it. _

_-"The one who fired the arrow was you, don´t blame me for your weak soul." She said with a sneer in her voice. _

_-"You made me do it" he whispered the last part, in a heartbreaking sob as he held me tighter to him. _

_-"Perhaps, but the blood is on your hands, and you will go to hell for killing an angel; to the deepest part of it, I might add. You could be a great demon lord if you try, little human. Your soul is weak and tempted and now condemned. So I´ll see you when you get there" _

_I could hear the smile in her voice and heard a broken sob escape his mouth. I looked up into his eyes. _

_-"It was true, only the person whom I love can really kill me… if I had known I would´ve never brought you along"_

_-"It´s not your fault, you heard her, my soul is weak." His eyes hardened as he looked at me. _

_-"I have looked into your soul, dearest, and I can tell you it is the most beautiful I have seen in quite some time" _

_-"Why didn´t you tell me you where an angel?" _

_-"Because no one told me, I had no idea… maybe I will finally go to where I belong…" I lost control of the muscles in my neck and I felt my head rolling sideways. He caught me and made me look at him. _

_-"Don´t talk that way, you belong next to me" _

_I smiled and looked past him, at the stars. _

_-"They´re so beautiful don´t you think?" _

_-"No more than you" he said not even looking at the sky. _

_I smiled. _

_-"Every night you will look at the stars and see one blinking back at you, when you can no longer see it, it is because I have found a way back to you… and you will not need to look up to see me, you will only have to turn your face towards mine…" _

_The world got blacker around the edges and all I could see where his eyes, filled with tears and his mouth moving in a prayer. _

_-"… don´t ever forget about me, I love you, please forgive me, please forgive me, I will find a way to get you back…" _

_And then the world turned black and I knew no more. _

* * *

I gasped as I straightened.

-"Oh dear! What was that? How did you get it? How could she not know she was an angel? Where is she? Is everyone okay? What does it all mean " I grabbed my head as I tried to process everything.

She smiled sadly.

-"One at a time. Too many questions… Emmett bring her a chair before she falls"

Emmett was besides me before I had noticed he was gone. He made me sit in a chair and I looked p at Rosalie.

-"That, my dearest Bella, was a memory of an angel that lived long ago. She gave it to a friend of mine, much older than you and me, who was kind enough to show it to me and now I showed it to you."

-"Why?"

-"Because, she wanted angels to know the truth, that all they tell us is never the full truth."

-"Why didn´t she know? That she was angel"

-"Because, back in those times, every time an angel fell from heaven, they lost all their memories. It was a spell made by demons so that they could never go back into heaven. But it could be broken if the fallen angel tried to sacrifice itself for the greater cause, that´s why she was suddenly an angel. Eventually, the elders found a way around the spell and the rules to go back into heaven were… made."

-"Is she here?"

-"No, she found a way back to Earth only to find that he had committed suicide, she made a deal with the demons so that they could spare her beloved´s soul. She is currently walking the Earth as a damned fallen angel, next to a demon who preys on the souls of the ones she tries to save. She will never find her way back unless she gives him up, needless to say, she won´t do that. Some way or another, they still love each other. It is cursed love"

-"Okay… but I still don´t understand why you showed me this"

-"I know, I was getting to that"-she looked irritated-"I showed you this because one thing is still true, you can only be killed by the one you love. Be careful who you give your heart to. And also, the book the supposed Cleopatra stole, is something you should be afraid of, it is the book of the shadows, and the Demon Lords have it. It is supposed to make them even more powerful, and it also contains the secret to an everlasting life and how to get straight back into heaven without having to go through the… tests. Fortunately for us, they haven´t found someone who can read and master the power it contains, unfortunately for us there is a prophecy. And the one who can read it will come soon. If you love Edward and, well humanity, you will try and get it back. Or you can try and find the book of light."

-"But I thought we needed the other book"

-"We do, but they are twin books, if you know how to read one of them you can know where the other one is"

-"Alright but where do I start?"

-"The book of light is somewhere in the middle of the Egyptian desert but I believe you have a demon friend who might want to help you get the book of shadows. We have someone else watching over the child so that no demons can take him, bit we need one of the books"

-"Why me?"

-"Because you are a strong guardian angel who knows about fallen angels and the elders don´t want every angel to know that they have been lying to all of them" she finished as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

-"Demons will never help angels." I said coldly.

How did she know about Jacob?

-"Oh Bella! You never know when a demon might help you, sure they might have their own reasons but they will help… given the right incentive"

-"Are you suggesting that I make a deal with them?"

-"Well, if that´s what you want… remember we will be watching your every move, so try to make the right decisions, Isabella"-she smiled coldly as Emmett put a hand on her shoulder.-"now you may leave"

I stared at her as I slowly got up.

-"Thank you… I think. Goodbye"

I walked past them as my mind tried to comprehend. The only one that could kill me was Edward… and just as I thought about it I realized that I had fallen in love with Edward…

* * *

**Well, hello again! I am so very sorry about the eternal wait! I know it´s no excuse but everything got it the way...**

**This chapter turned out different than what I had planned... but I think it came out quite good! Unfortunately my beta is out of town and I couldn´t send the finished version to her, but I hope she thinks it´s good... I´ll try to write the new chapter before my vacations are over... wish me luck hehe**

**Thanks to everyone who keeps reading my story even though my last update was months ago! and for those who are reading MOW I am also sorry for the long wait and I´ll try to update as soon as possible, so please bear with me. **

**don´t forget to REVIEW! I like to know what you think about my story.**


	10. A Messed Up Mission

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything, sad but true...**

* * *

Chapter 10: Another Point of View and A Messed Up Mission

Now back to Jacob.

He seemed to be the source of all my problems. He (supposedly) had my ring. He could help me find the books that could get Edward back into heaven. He was also my former best friend. And a demon, associated with the greater Demon Lords (or so Carlisle had said once). And I had to find a way to make him trust me in order to get what I wanted… and save the world at the same time.

This was one messed up mission.

I sighed.

Focus, Bella.

The mission consists of getting Jacob to help me find those damn books, but maybe I can get the ring first and get my memories back, and know what Edward knows about us… and also confess my love for him.

Yes, the ring first.

But where was Jacob? I flew back to the horrible cafe where I had first seen him. He was nowhere in sight but I figured I could just wait for him here. He was bound to show up right?

After a few hours of just sitting there, and trying to drink coffee (because it tasted horrible), in order to not get kicked out, he came into the cafe and strolled right up to me.

-"Hey there sweet Bells!" he said happily and I was hit by a strange sense of déjà vu, like we had done this so many times before.

I forgot to be angry at him for calling me that and just smiled at him.

-"That´s what you used to call me right?"

He smiled sadly as he sat down.

-"Yep back in those days… so what can I do for you?"

-"How did you know I was here?"

He shrugged and gestured to all around him.

-"I´ve got eyes and ears everywhere Bella"

-"Then why did you leave me here waiting?"-I said exasperated-"I´ve been waiting for over two hours while trying to drink this horrible coffee! `Trying´ being the key word because I can´t imagine anyone actually drinking it without being threatened to death by someone!"

He chuckled.

-"Had no idea you wanted to see me so badly"

* * *

_Flashback_

_I was standing and he was sitting on a log, just looking at me._

_I was mad at him. And he couldn´t understand why. And that only made me angrier. He was my best friend he had to know why I was angry at him, that´s how it was supposed to be! _

_-"Please Bells, tell me what I did wrong" he begged for the hundredth time. _

_-"Fine! You wanna know? It is because you left me there! With those boring old people instead of coming to get me like you promised!" I whined. _

_-"I´m sorry! How many more times do I have to say it Bella?" _

_He might not have known what I was angry at him for but he sure as hell hadn´t waited anytime apologizing. _

_-"Until I forgive you Jacob!" I replied angrily._

_He stood up and came to stand in front of me. _

_-"How was I supposed to know that you wanted me there early?" he said quietly. _

_His sad eyes looked into mine, he was really sorry. _

_-"I-I- you should´ve known Jake! It was horrible! People kept talking to me and I just wanted to get out of that place!" _

_-"I´m sorry, I had no idea you wanted to see me so badly" _

_I sighed, I could never stay mad at him for long._

_-"That´s stupid Jake, I always want to see you" _

_He didn´t reply and I could see the accusation in his eyes and it was true because ever since Edward had come I had felt us drifting apart. But I really wanted to see him all the time. _

_-"I´m sorry Bells, I really am" _

_He looked at me with puppy eyes and I just couldn´t stay mad him anymore._

_-"Fine! But don´t let it happen again Jacob Black!" _

_He smiled like a kid on Christmas Day. _

_-"So friends again?" he said with his arms open for me. _

_-"Always" I said and hugged him._

_I was warm and comfortable in his arms, and his musky scent smelled like home to me. _

* * *

-"Hello? Are you still there?" Jacob was waving a hand in front of my face.

-"Um, yeah sorry" I said snapping my head towards him. I couldn´t look him in the eye now. How could I look at him and not feel guilty? He had been such a good friend and I had pushed him away.

-"Thought I´d lost you for a moment" he said smiling.

-"Nah… I was just thinking about something…" I said, fidgeting in my seat and avoiding his eyes.

He sighed.

-"What´s got you so worried? You only bite your lip like that when you´re either nervous or worried… I´m betting on worried" he said.

I was nervous but I was always worried. Besides there was no need to beat around the bush now, he knew I was up to something.

-"I´m worried"

-"About what?" He asked genuinely concerned.

-"It´s complicated"

-"I know, you invented complicated… but if you´re anything like the old Bella, I´m willing to bet you´re just being your usual over dramatic self"

I rolled my eyes. He just stared at me, like it was no joke.

-"Seriously?"- He nodded. I sighed.-"Jake, what´s Edward hiding from me?"

Well maybe I hadn´t told him the thing that was worrying me but I wasn´t exactly lying either, I knew he was hiding something from me, something that had to do with my past. And now that I knew what I felt for him, his hiding something only made it worse.

He snorted. The friendly look was gone now.

-"How should I know, Bella? He´s your fianceé"

-"Ah-well, you are-were my best friend" I stuttered. He looked at me fiercely.

-"Right `were´ being the word. We stopped being friends a long time ago, remember?" Venom was dripping from every word he said.

I was confused, Edward had never mentioned anything like that, he had just said that I had well, died. Or maybe he had said something, something about him being in love with me and also being very bitter…

I sighed. I couldn´t remember very well what he had said, I had been to busy noticing how close he had been sitting.

-"I don´t remember anything Jake, you know that"

-"Well, then, let me remind you"-he sat back on his chair-"Once upon a time"-he barked a laugh-"No, that´s not it"-He made a show of clearing his throat-"Let´s go back in time to when two little kids met. A little boy and a little girl, who came from very different worlds, he was a native child who only had his father and she was a perfect girl who had everything. They met one day while their fathers talked about random adult stuff, and from that day on, they were best friends.

"As time passed by, she grew up to be a lovely young woman, strong and beautiful, almost like an angel"-he smiled at the memory and I felt embarrassed-"and the little boy grew up to into a young man, full of ideas and dreams yet overwhelmed by an unrequited love for his best friend, who had sworn she would never marry.

"She moved back to her mother´s house for a while, but he waited patiently for her return, while his love grew and grew. Eventually she returned and everything was happiness again for him.

"One sunny day a new family arrived to the small town, they were the sensation, they were beautiful and rich and perfect; and this family´s child befriended the young man and woman. He was, and I quote: `charming, gallant, intelligent; a true gentleman´. For me, he was only another friend, with whom I spent my time when I was away from you. But you fell for him"-he laughed bitterly-"head over heels in love with him, with this stranger, this new guy. The worst part was that the other man, young and naive, saw only friendship between them, and believed he had found another best friend."-he looked down-"Oh! How stupid he was!

"He stopped seeing them so often, every week he saw them less and less, but he blamed his job; while in reality they had been sneaking off behind his back for weeks now and only after they were engaged did he find out that there was romance between his two best friends. He found out that his supposed new best friend had stolen his one true love right from under his nose. And she! Who had sworn never to marry!

"The poor man never really got through that and he knew how unfair his life was when he realized that he was damned to watch his best friend/true love make the biggest mistake of her life. When he confronted Edward things went wrong and their friendship ended, and he realized he had made a big mistake. But the biggest mistake of his life was telling her what he thought about their relationship; she didn´t take it well and in a rage she swore she never could be friends with him again if he had such ill wishes for her life"-he laughed bitterly and looked at me-"you called me a monster, a heartless and selfish monster"-he sighed-"You broke my heart… and then Edward died and you got depressed… and who was there for you? I was, I tried my best to help you recover, to live again . And how did you repay me? By jumping off a cliff…

"Now you know why we were once friends" he finished and looked at me.

I looked down, there was so much feeling in his gaze.

-"I´m sorry, Jake, I had no idea"

-"Of course, you don´t even remember anything!"

-"Well, sometimes I get… flashbacks" I fidgeted in my seat.

He looked interested.

-"Have you had any of me?"

Should I tell him? Or was it too soon to trust him. But he misinterpreted my silence and rolled his eyes.

-"Of course not, Edward was the only relevant and important part of your life. Which is why you committed suicide, I guess"

-"No, no that´s not it."-I sighed-"Jake, when I´m with you I get this fuzzy warm feeling of rightness, of… coming home… at last. With Edward, it´s different." I whispered the last part, surprised at myself for telling him things so honestly.

He snorted.

-"Yeah right Bella. Edward has and will always be the most important thing in your life! It has never been a secret. Ever since you met him, everyone else came in second place. But what about us?"-he pointed at himself-"What about the ones you left behind? All the people that loved you, that cared for you."-he looked at me again-" You don´t know who I´m talking about? All your friends from the reservation? Do you remember them? They were devastated when you died! You had kept us together, and when you died we just fell apart, nothing was ever the same. And Charlie? Do you remember him, your father? Well, he died full of sorrow because and I quote: `I couldn´t save my baby girl, I couldn´t save her from herself´. You left us all behind without even a second thought!"

I was speechless, what could I say? He was right, of course, Edward had been my life, that much I could remember; but I couldn´t remember anything to prove him wrong, to tell him that I had not been that kind of person, I had nothing to tell him.

I couldn´t remember my friends, but I remembered a sense of belonging and always fun… when I thought of my father I remembered his loving eyes but the total lack of expressing his feelings, always so serious and polite.

-"I´m sorry" was the best I could come up.

He rolled his eyes.

-"Whatever" was his reply. And it surprised me that I was hurt at his comment, because somehow I knew that the old Jacob would have never been indifferent to my apologies, or have said those things in the first place. He was so cold, so distant to the warmth I remembered he was.

-"Can I ask you something?"

He shrugged.

-"Whatever"

I leaned towards him.

-"How did you die? Why are you a demon?"

-"Why do you even give a damn? Besides that´s two questions"

-"Please Jake, I need to know"

He snorted, yet again.

-"After you died I was kind of depressed, I didn´t do anything, I quit my job and just sat around, well, moping. That was the time when I could relate to Charlie, we would just sit there, while my father fussed around us, and think of you. I remember a day when he looked at me and without words we both knew that we were both thinking the same thing, how your eyes had sparkled when you were smiling, and a small tear had escaped his eye as he said your name and how he hadn´t been able to save you. That was the most he had reacted since your death… unfortunately, that was the last response we would ever get from him, but it made me react and try to put my life back on track. But it was too late.

"One day I decided to pack my bags and leave town in the hopes of forgetting you. By that time the boys in the rez had given up on me and Charlie was in the hospital, only getting visited by Billy, so I figured nobody would miss me. I Moved to the city, as far away from out town as I was capable.

"I used alcohol to forget you. And eventually, every kind of drug I could get my hands on. I spent nights with random women, always hoping they were you. Every time I ran out of money I would get into fights, and eventually I found myself fighting to the highest place in the biggest gang of the city. I was so far into alcohol and drugs and women that nobody could´ve saved me, not even an angel.

"I got sick of everything and just killed myself with a knife. Obviously that, and all of my sins got me to where I am today"

-"I thought you had gotten yourself killed in a knife fight, along with a drug overdose"

-"I tried those things. I would´ve needed a whole lot of drug to get an overdose and when I realized I was too good to get myself killed in knife fight, I just plunged the knife right into my heart." He shrugged.

The indifference to his death only made me feel worse, he talked about it as if had not happened. And wouldn´t blame me. He blamed me of being selfish, and heartless, but he didn´t blame of his death.

But we both knew the truth.

-"I caused all of this! It´s my fault so many people died, so many friendships were lost. And Edward is a fallen angel because of me; you´re a demon because of me. The worst part is that I can´t even remember why I killed myself!" I sighed with frustration.

He just stared at me, and stayed silent.

He was not Edward, he was not going to tell me I was wrong, to deny it had all been my fault. I stared back at him, waiting for him to say something, daring him to tell me I was wrong. But as the silence dragged on, I realized I was silently begging him to tell it wasn´t my fault, to put me out of my misery.

He sighed, intertwined his fingers and leaned towards me.

-"Look, Bells, I´m not going to say I´m not mad at you for what has happened and I´m not going to deny that this is all kinda your fault"-I huffed-"but it´s also my fault and Edward´s, we got ourselves all tangled in this. And somehow it feels wrong to let you carry all the guilt"

-"Jacob Black actually taking responsibility?" I said teasingly.

He smiled brightly at me.

-"What can I say Bella?"-he shrugged dramatically-"I´m a changed man"-I raised an eyebrow-"or otherworldly being"

We both started laughing and I felt home, safe.

-"So what have you been up to Bella?"

-"Oh just doing angel things, saving the world and stuff, nothing big."

He snorted.

-"Is that code for `I´m on a super-secret mission so lay off, Jake´"

I laughed.

-"Maybe… what about you? What have you been up to?"

-"Oh… stuff"

-"Right… stuff"

This time the silence was awkward.

-"Okay, so I have to go but I´ll see you around?" He said as he stood up. I stood up too.

-"Right"

-"It was nice seeing you again Bella"

-"Yeah.. I had a good time"

He sighed and stared at me before coming over and hugging me. Not a small hug but a bone crushing bear hug. He took me by surprise.

He was still as warm as I remembered him but his musky scent was now gone, he didn´t smell like home, he smelt like something wrong, as if my home had been burnt.

-"I´m sorry, for everything" he whispered in my ear, and his breath made me shiver.

And the he let go and was out of the cafe before I could gather my scattered brains.

* * *

**JPOV**

I hugged her like our lives depended on it .

I hugged her like I once had, back when we were friends.

And her smell burned my nose, in a good way, she smelled so good, so perfect, like I remembered.

I hugged her like I had when she had been depressed, and all she did was cry. I had tried so hard to make things right, to help her, but all I managed was to make it worse.

-"I´m sorry for everything" was all I could say.

And I was, I was sorry for everything I had done to her, about lying to her about our past; for what I was going to do, what was going to come.

I let go of her and left before she could think of what to say or how to give me a good beating. I smiled as I remembered how we used to get along so well, we were always teasing each other and she was always thinking of ways to get back at me. She had been so special and I was so sorry for what was about to come… but they´d had it coming.

I smiled again, but not for the past, I smiled for the future.

Oh Bella! The only thing I´m really sorry about is how you didn´t choose me over him, because you could´ve saved yourselves a whole lot of trouble… and I know that soon you will be sorry too…

Mistress had been right, this was something I wanted to do.

* * *

**Okay, as always, sorry for the eternal wait I have no excuses :D so I´ll just say sorry. **

**I know I usually update both of my stories at the same time, but I´m kinda stuck on MOW, so it might take longer. Again sorry. **

**Please tell me what you think of this chapter. Mistress´s name will soon be known, as well as Jacob´s plan but I want to let Bella find out a little bit more about her past and fall "properly" in love with Edward (you know a couple of love declarations here and there). Oh and we´ll get to meet to Alice and charming Jasper in the next chap! yay!**

**And, thanks to my beta! And all of you anonymous and known readers that keep making the traffic charts on my account go up, up and away :D**

**REVIEW! hey what did you think about eclipse? **


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